


Through the Glass

by GunbladeWitch



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Internal Monologue, Named Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:41:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25427830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GunbladeWitch/pseuds/GunbladeWitch
Summary: The Warrior of Light re-examines her feelings towards her former enemy.
Relationships: Gaius van Baelsar/Warrior of Light
Comments: 6
Kudos: 24





	Through the Glass

Halcyon stared at the window, trying once again to focus on something other than the man occupying her thoughts. The evening sky was grim and grey, just like during the first time she came here after her trip to the First. Her mind started wandering back to the meeting that followed afterwards, only for her to catch herself a moment later. She had slipped again. There was no way for her to completely prevent herself from thinking about Gaius Baelsar.

She had feelings for him, there was no denying it. She was almost surprised how easily she found herself admitting it, despite having tried to shut it out not so long ago. Despite every obstacle that life put between them, as if telling her that they should not be together. Despite the fact that she knew full well who he was and what he did. Despite how relatively recently their clash has happened.

The assault on Castrum Meridianum… To think that this had only happened a few months ago. So much had happened since then that it sometimes felt more like years. The world had changed. The Scions had changed. Halcyon herself had changed, in some regards beyond recognition, by her own conclusion. The time when they were enemies… Sometimes it felt like it was another life.

Gaius van Baelsar was to be but one of the many to fall by her hand, not the first or the most powerful enemy she had ever faced. She did not dwell on him, anything about him, or the victory against him right after his supposed death. There were more pressing matters that quickly occupied most of her mind, both with the Scions and her personal life. Any lingering grudge she could have held against was thrown away to make way for what was happening at the moment. He was but an unimportant detail in the past.

And yet he came back into her life when she expected it the least. She had not given much thought to him at first. As always, there were more important things to do. The Scions being called to the First, Garlemald’s army, fighting Omega. Once again, she set thoughts of him aside like another unimportant thing. But after she returned from the First, she found herself working with him. And this was where something inside her started changing.

She was not sure whether it happened when she first saw him in Ala Mhigo, or when they were working to dismantle the Weapon project together, or during the aftermath. But there came a day when she realized she could not bear the thought of losing him. And the feeling that she kept ignoring for all this time she could no longer set aside. No studies, projects or books could lull the thoughts of him she had tried to push away.

Was it shallow of her that whenever she attempted to find any traces of a hatred towards him in her head, she only stumbled upon blankness? She was never the type of person to lie to herself, (outside the recent occurrences), or take up anyone else’s ideals just because of outside pressure, but now that she actually examined herself, she saw a stark contrast between what everyone expected her to feel and how she actually felt.

Would other people consider her amoral or straight up horrible if they discovered there was no righteous anger in her? She couldn’t say for herself, and she didn’t want to find out. But she knew revealing the truth to most would shatter the image of the Warrior of Light she kept cultivating. One that was both the fulfillment of her ambition and a reason behind her emotional torment. A blessing and a curse.

It was in the moments like this she missed the time she was still a nobody wandering the world, looking for magical secrets. No spotlight, no expectations, no image to uphold. Back then, she was never fulfilled. Always looking for something more, moving from one thing to another, craving a greater purpose. But now she actually wished she had the freedom to do whatever she wanted without facing everyone who expected something else. The ambition that has been her greatest drive all along had now turned against her.

No, she did not feel any shame about loving him. What others thought had little to no relevance to her own thoughts. But there was no way the world would accept it. No way he would accept this. “It’s ironic how you feel about it now,” Halcyon mused to herself. She had never wanted for, and had no problems confessing to her previous partners. And yet, here she was, uncertain what to do about her feelings for her former enemy, the one love she had in her life to likely not go reciprocated. His mind was preoccupied with other things, he probably only saw the Ascians and war ahead of himself. Not relationships. Definitely not her.

Why was it that this feeling persisted? She had numerous relationships in the years before, all of them having fallen apart due to her own lack of caring. She always wanted something more, her desire for knowledge always pushing her forward with a complete lack of regard for the people she thought she loved only yesterday. Why was this time different? She had the cause, things to strive for, to fight for now, but that still was not enough to distract her from love like all the times it happened before. They probably were right when they told her she has become more vulnerable after so many losses. And now that she was at it, she realized what happened to her had affected her in more ways than she could have possibly imagined.

There was now a voice in her, one that had only gotten louder over time, that yelled at her to just forget everything and tell him, public opinion and circumstances be damned. And there were moments when she actually was one impulse away from actually listening to this voice. All the times when they had to fight separately from each other, she swore to herself that she would tell him if they saw each other again, only to evade any topics remotely related to it when he came back. She just didn’t know where to begin. No matter how many times she had replayed this in her head, she couldn’t ever find the right words.

Just as swiftly as they came into her mind, her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of approaching footsteps. It was not long before the voice accompanying them sent shivers down her spine, for the person who pulled her out of her thoughts is the same person that has been haunting them. No, she could not say what she wanted now. Not yet. Maybe sometime later, when she found a better way. For now, they would just discuss their next step, and she would not take it any further. Just as always.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first thing I have posted for a long time, an idea that came to me after I wrote something on Twitter, and I wanted to get it out before the Live Letter. I thought after mostly doing shippy GPose, I might write something ahout my ship. Thanks to macabreromansu and Neila_Nuruodo for the beta and contributions!


End file.
